Identity?

Wage War Upon Yourself

Declare war on everything that you despise about yourself. Let go of what drags you down, what hinders your growth. Only what you cherish, only what you believe in should be allowed to live. Everything else, every part of you that weakens your resolve, must die.

Understand this, my friend: You still have a long journey ahead of you. You have not yet lived enough, not yet done enough. You are nowhere near achieving victory in the war against yourself.

Take a moment to seriously reflect on this truth: You must burn away every aspect of yourself that holds you back from realizing your ideal.

It is time to wage war against your own demons. Only by confronting them head-on can you hope to become the person you strive to be. Every moment of hesitation, every weakness—these must be eradicated in your pursuit of greatness

The Nature of Sacrifice and Self-Transformation

To advance toward your ideal, there are moments when you must let parts of yourself perish. This, my friend, is the essence of sacrifice. And whenever you make a sacrifice, or take a risk, never look back to reconsider it. Once a decision is made, it must be followed through without hesitation. The moment you begin questioning your resolution is the moment you start to falter.

A principal decision, once taken, must be tested by experience. And how do you test it? By asking whether it brought you closer to your goal. But what, you may ask, is that goal? It is to unload yourself—unload your mind, your attachments, and your doubts. Only then can you approach your ideal self.

The Dual Nature of Hatred and Love

Hatred, like love, is a natural human emotion. I do not wish to stop you from hating someone, but rather, I want you to learn how to hate. Just as I want you to learn how to love. It is unbalanced to be filled entirely with one or the other. A person overflowing with love may fail to recognize their enemies, forgetting that some people view them as adversaries. On the other hand, a person consumed by hatred may fail to recognize their friends.

So, how should you hate? The answer is simple: By becoming better. This is your obligation. This is your duty. For when your enemy plans to harm you, nothing will hurt them more than seeing you rise and become better, according to your own definition of self-improvement. And do not fear having enemies. Only cowards and inauthentic individuals lack enemies.

Honor, Dignity, and the Weight of Time

Life, ultimately, is about honor and dignity. Everything else is surplus, a superficial addition that fades with time. How many times did you fail to live up to these.

As you grow and evolve, you will find that old friendships are often centered on conversations about the past. It becomes easy to dwell on what was, and sometimes even easier to blame others when decisions lead to negative outcomes. But to truly move forward, you must own the outcomes of your choices fully. Only by doing so can you transcend your limitations and step beyond the past.

You may begin to avoid old friends, not out of disdain, but because they are anchored in the past. They cannot or will not move forward, and in doing so, they become a reflection of what you no longer wish to be.

The Transience of Life and the Fear of Displacement

People often mourn in the beginning, but as time passes, life moves on. When you are displaced, you realize that nobody is irreplaceable. The truth is clear: after your death, life continues. Those left behind will carry on with their duties, and life will take its course. To understand this, I challenge you to leave your job—then you will see how quickly others will adapt without you.

Sometimes, people seek partisanship simply because they fear facing their own mistakes alone. It is easier to commit an error within a group than to stand alone in it. The comfort of shared blame is a powerful motivator.

The Burden of Being an Employee and the Question of Existence

There are moments when the weight of being an employee feels like being trapped between two forces: the employers and the employees. You may question your very existence, wondering if your actions hold meaning.

In those moments of doubt, you cannot escape the pain that accompanies such questioning. The truth is, your offenders—those who have wronged you—will, in time, sincerely repent. The harm, of course, has already been done, but their repentance will be real. So, what will you do with that? Will you choose to forgive, or will you let the wounds remain open?

The Pleasure of Others in Your Fall

It is a sad truth that some people derive pleasure from seeing others fall. They may find comfort in your lows because it helps them cope with their own struggles. But be wary of this. You must continue to rise above it. To transcend.

It is in your ability to rise, to become more than what others expect or desire from you, that you will find your true self. No longer bound by the expectations of others, you will become a force unto yourself.

The Enemy Within: A Journey of Transcendence

I consider you a friend, just as you consider me one. But perhaps, in some way, I must also be your enemy. This may seem paradoxical, but hear me out: your worst enemy is often your best friend. The desire to elevate your friend can inadvertently transform them into your adversary. As the philosopher once said, “To have friends, you must be capable of war for them; and for war, you must have enemies.”

Although I see you as a friend, I ask that you view me as an enemy. I must be the obstacle you seek to overcome in order to grow. I must challenge you. For the journey of self-improvement often comes from those we fight against—whether in rivalry or in the relentless pursuit of becoming something more.

On War: The Struggle Within

I want to learn from the losers of history. They, too, had a part in shaping the world—often through their struggles and defeats. But do not think of war as an external thing, with an external opponent. No, my friend, the greatest battle is fought within. Your true enemy is yourself. Your greatest ally, too, is yourself. The war you must wage is not against the world, but against your own limitations.

To be at peace with yourself, you must first challenge yourself. You must suffer, and surrender to the pain of your own defeat. You must learn from the wounds you inflict upon your own soul. And then, you rise. This is the only path to transcendence. Live by this rule: Transcend your limits.

The Need for Separation: Growth and Evolution

I must leave you, my friend. Not because I no longer value our bond, but because I must become more. I must elevate myself in order to be worthy of your friendship. You accept me as I am, but the issue lies within me—I cannot accept myself as I am. I seek something more, something better. And without that growth, I will never be the best of friends. I must go beyond who I am, to be worthy of you.

But I ask you: Do you accept me as I am, or are you afraid of the version of me that I am becoming? A version that may be different from what you know, a version you might also have to surpass? Are you afraid of me becoming someone you will struggle to keep up with?

The Price of Transformation: Separation and Strangeness

You must endure my absence, for our reunion may bring strangeness or even animosity. I cannot remain where I am. Your gaze, which once felt like comfort, now pierces me like an arrow. I cannot endure your flames in this moment. If I stay here, I will not be able to look at myself, let alone look into your eyes.

This is not about rejecting you—it is a desire for evolution. It is a desire for growth. A hunger for transcendence. That is why I loathe my weaknesses. I want to overcome them. It is not just a desire—it is a necessity, a moral obligation. I must rise above what I am in this moment. Only then can I return to you as someone truly worthy of the connection we share.

Bad habits feed on themselves. I generally start a day by first looking at the messages on my phone, as a reflex. If it’s too good, I want to answer it right away. If it’s too bad, I want to answer it instantly or escape. Too good gives me a high. I want to keep this feeling by seeking more such messages. I also engage in corresponding behaviors for the same high.

What next? Let me check on Instagram. Well, there is probably some news about this guy making food. And countless others. Well, I want something more, maybe I will go to this guy talking good about immigrants. As one, I imagine myself as that. In fact, I will look only for instances where good is said about immigrants. Is this not characteristic of men? Then I need another high, for everything has a point of marginal utility. Everything has a point at which its first usage is surpassed, and it has to be transcended in that case. Well, from Instagram, I will go into anime. Don’t I have to work out? The hell with that—another day. Then I go on to manga. Well, I’ve done all of them, so I watch them again and again. It’s an endless abyss.

All it takes is a simple moment where the action is put in place, even for a short moment. In that moment, it will want to be done to completion. If you ever try one cigarette, you might keep doing it for most of your life. This is the reason why the best way to avoid any habit is by never trying it out. The first time is usually the last time, and the last time is generally the first time. This was the case with me when it comes to porn. I still have a vivid image of my first time. But years later, I realized the repercussions. I told myself that the first time was going to be the last time. But every last time I go to it remains the first time. It’s as if it never changed. The same goes for other forms of bad behaviors. I believe I would be in a very dangerous position. This could happen if I had ever used any drug like cocaine or weed. I would not even be capable of writing this now. I personally don’t underestimate how hard it is to break out of bad habits.

To be on the street is not a reason not to be noble. Have you been? And how many have you seen? How many have transcended themselves suitably?

To live, you need only the basic things. It is the social stigma behind being on the street that pushes us to avoid this situation. I remember one of those moments as the best in my life. I was free and had no obligations to anyone. To this day, I still vividly recall my best night spent on the street. It does happen that some people are genuinely worried about such a way of living, so they offer their help. But nobody likes to be taken as an opportunity for someone else to show charity.

I remember a man. He proposed that we move in with him to his place. He wanted to prove to someone on the phone that he was kind. It was raining that night. Rain is what we hate the most on the street. We all said no, for we knew his intention. In fact, it was a deal, and an unfair one.

People convince us that we need certain things. They do this because they want to sell those things. They convince themselves by convincing us. Leaders are only as strong as the foundations they stand upon.

I texted you again, expecting to get an answer, but nothing. All I wanted was to have a conversation with you.

I wrote the above line months ago, about my try to date this girl. How pitiful it seems now. In hindsight, I am happy she never answered me. I think I would have just been playing on her emotions to make her like me.

At the time, it felt like rejection—an echoing silence that bruised my ego. But now, with distance, I see that silence as a gift. It prevented me from entering something with insincere intentions. I wasn’t trying to connect deeply. I aimed to manipulate. I wanted to craft an image of myself that would appeal to her.

Relationships, like all meaningful interactions, should stem from authenticity. I’ve learned to face the discomfort of self-reflection. It’s better than dragging someone else into the theater of my insecurities. Growth often begins where the ego ends.

January 7th, 2025

Correct me if I’m wrong, but we call passion those things that make us feel alive. They give positive emotions, especially in the first moments when we give ourselves to them.

Someone who doesn’t know me is to think I’m passionate about cooking when they see me in the kitchen. The truth is, I used to believe that it was the only thing I was born for. Over time, I realized it was more of a survival instinct. It placed me in that position. Rightly so. The restaurant industry was my salvation from my illegal status; it was my main source of food, money, and sustenance. It was the lemon life handed me. So, every cell of my body told me I was born for it. In that moment, nothing else mattered. I was deep into it. And I loved it. Rightly so.

Can I talk of passion without choice?

I will use the word passion only if I had other options and chose this path specifically. In fact, it was the logical thing to do at the time. At one point, washing dishes was one of the best things I have done in my life. I mean that in every sense of the word. This is true for many aspects of life, if we stop to think about it. We often call passion what life forces us into. Sometimes, we don’t want to look at other things that genuinely interest us. We let those interests die in the corner.

At a certain point in the restaurant industry, I became a little more settled. I also prepared for the worst-case scenario. At that moment, my mind shifted to familiar yet unproductive distractions—anime, social media like Instagram, gossip, binge-eating, lust, and porn. I got stuck again. I stopped moving ahead.

This is the reason why I agree with Ray Dalio’s principle : “Evolve or die”. You have to push yourself. You have to push your limits. But you must not break yourself.

Indeed at times you have to be harsh on yourself, as the stoic will say .

To free some space in your mind, you must tell the truth. When you lie you must always be in alert.

it is actually the easiest way to live.

This is specifically true for me. Even when it comes to feeling. whenever I have mixed feelings about someone or something, I can’t live.

Telling the truth is one of the greatest forms of freedom. Being capable of expressing truthfully is liberating. I am still very far from that. I have many habits I consider bad. I tell others these habits are bad, yet I end up doing them privately most of the time. Like porn. I blamed and condemned a man for having multiple partners and another for cheating on his wife. I do not believe these things to be morally correct. I wouldn’t like them to be inflicted on me. I am not any different from them because I satisfied my sexual needs through porn. I be worse because I walk around with an aura of virtue. Yet, I committed a different variant of the act I am condemning others for.

Integrity demands living what you preach and preaching what you live.

I’ve done things without the willingness and the capacity to endure failure.

This is a principle I’ve come to understand: I only learn, or I’m willing to learn, after failing. I learned how to ride a bicycle when I was 22 years old in Paris. I almost got hit by a bus. I was so panicked that a teenager saw it and revealed it to his other friends. I couldn’t imagine it was so obvious. I also learned how to swim when I was 24. Like riding a bicycle, I was scared as hell. Whenever I entered the water, I thought I would sink. In fact, every moment during my first swimming lessons, I thought I would drown. I drank so much water that day—more than I ever have in a single day.

As Ray Dalio says, failing and making mistakes is painful, but the pain is a signal that there is something for us to learn. When it came to riding a bicycle, I had to understand that I move forward by pressing oppositely on both pedals simultaneously. Understanding the role of the different parts of my body was crucial: my legs to provide the torque force required to move me forward, my hands to direct the handlebars, and my eyes to know where I am going or what might be in front of me. I learned that if I remain stationary on a bike, with both feet on the pedals, I will fall from a lack of stability. The only way to keep balance on a bike is by continuing to move, pedaling forward.

The same goes for swimming. The basic thing to understand is that the body can float on water. Since our lungs contain air, and air is 800 times less dense than water, we can float. But you can’t remain stationary in water, so you must move to prevent drowning.

However, you should make sure that failure doesn’t terminate you. For instance, I had to be mindful to not let a car hit me while practicing on a bike, starting small, and choosing to ride at times when there was less traffic, even at night. For swimming, it would have been stupid to start my lessons on the deeper part of the pool.

I have always wanted to learn. To the point where, in my childhood, I chose to remain under the bench instead of dropping out of primary school. But when I became an adult, I suffered from what most of us adults suffer from: shame of failure. In fact, we are often punished for failing. But this is not the problem. The problem is the terminal failure. The terminal  mistake, what will kick you out of the game, to paraphrase Nassim taleb.