Identity?

Meta Description:
Follow a personal journey of overcoming the temptations of pornography, masturbation, and distractions. Learn how a change in mindset, self-discipline, and focused energy can help break the cycle.

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The Devil Inside: Facing the Struggles

The devil has never been more dangerous than it is today. For the first time, I find myself truly facing the monster within me. But the beauty in this struggle is the realization that by delving deeper into my soul, I can understand and accept my flaws. This is the beginning of a man’s journey—acknowledging your imperfections and accepting them as part of who you are. Those who see themselves as perfect will inevitably be humbled.

It only takes one small mistake, a seemingly insignificant detail, for the devil to slip in and break everything. That devil is inside me, and inside all of us. The more I realize how far I am from perfection, the more my love for myself and for humanity grows. Only by accepting our flaws can we truly understand others. But remember, this is not the same as being naive.

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The Battle with Pornography and Masturbation

Overcoming the devil of porn and masturbation has been one of the toughest challenges. The journey begins with understanding the environment. Immediately after falling, it’s easy to fall again. It takes time for the temptation to recharge itself and continue the cycle.

Before I ever fell into this, my thoughts were already filled with such scenes. Growing up in an environment like Ekounou, with its nightclubs for kids, only emphasized a life of debauchery. I attribute my resistance to luck, and more importantly, the big dreams I’ve set for myself.

It all started in my mind. I never fully realized the importance of this until now. If I haven’t fallen too far, it’s because I chose not to. From invented scenes in my mind to physical acts, I saw how my desire to excel helped control it for a while. But I could have gone further, and only God knows how far.

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Confronting My Struggles: Acknowledging My Patterns

I am no different from that someone the I love, who has many wives, or from men who chase women incessantly. In fact, I might be worse. But I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to chase women, indulge in pornography, or fall into the trap of addiction. The hardest thing to deal with is libido—it’s been my biggest struggle.

Now, after four weeks of progress, this is the longest streak I’ve had since I arrived in France. What caused me to fall again after my illness?

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Triggers and the Role of Social Media

1. Social Media:
   Social media became the primary trigger. After periods of abstinence, it only took a single image of a naked woman on Facebook to reignite my desire. Social media kept this material too close, too accessible. After my illness, I fell again. While staying at Jean Mary’s place, I almost fell because of stress and sexual discussions around me, but I resisted as I didn’t have private access to triggering content. However, a private video sent via email led to my fall, and from that point, the cycle continued.
2. Confinement and Stress:
   Confinement made things worse. Relationships, suggested I needed a girlfriend, which only fueled my desire. I even downloaded videos to watch in my room instead of focusing on finding a job. Social media and these temptations contributed to my struggles.

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Breaking the Cycle: Four Key Steps

I’ve realized the need to completely eliminate external triggers. Here’s what I’ve done:

1. Cutting Out Social Media:
   Giving up Facebook and limiting relationships that encouraged this behavior has freed up mental space. But I underestimated the role of YouTube. Watching provocative content on YouTube kept me in the cycle. The first step was to stop social media entirely. Even if I fell, I resolved to avoid videos. This significantly reduced the mental clutter.
2. Rewiring My Mind:
   Rewiring the mind is crucial. Even without external stimuli, my mind can conjure up past videos or memories. The day I first fell was vivid—I had invented scenarios and acted on them. This underscores the importance of not just removing external triggers but also addressing the internal ones.
3. Managing Stress and Desires:
   Stress, especially from visa issues or failed relationships, remains a delicate period. I almost fell this week because of stress and watching sexual content. But my six-week streak gave me strength. This highlights the need for heightened vigilance, especially during stressful periods.
4. Channeling Energy into Positive Activities:
   Replacing negative habits with positive ones is essential. I’ve been focusing on workouts, reading, writing, and building my professional career. These activities help channel my energy into meaningful rewards, reducing the temptation for instant gratification.

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Moving Forward: Staying Vigilant

Now, I’m entering my seventh week without falling—my longest stretch yet. This is a critical moment where vigilance is key. As I look back on my journey, I’m reminded that the moments I’ve succeeded were those where I was absorbed in work. When I focused on reading, writing, or meaningful tasks, I had no time for distractions. This is a clear reminder that overcoming this temptation is not only possible but achievable with the right focus and discipline.

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Final Thoughts: The Power of Focus and Discipline

The road to breaking free from addiction is long, but with focus, discipline, and understanding the root causes of temptation, it’s entirely possible. Success lies in the strength to stay focused on meaningful goals and avoid distractions that pull you away from your true purpose.

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Call to Action:
Have you struggled with addiction or temptations that distract you from your goals? How have you learned to overcome them? Share your thoughts and strategies in the comments below.

Meta Description:
Discover the importance of focusing on yourself, eliminating distractions, and taking control of your life. Learn how to overcome fear, confront challenges, and build a meaningful future by staying true to yourself.

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The Distraction of Others’ Expectations

You constantly focus on others, trying to understand why they act the way they do, and you rationalize their actions to avoid confrontation. Most of these justifications stem from fear—fear of challenging them, fear of the unknown. It’s easier to explain their behavior than to face the uncomfortable reality head-on. But the truth is, this cycle holds you back.

The Power of Focus

The only thing standing between you and progress is distractions. Everything around you pulls you in different directions. You need to focus on one thing, one priority, and commit to it—but how can you do that when the basics—food, housing, residency—aren’t stable?

It’s important not to dwell on these issues too much. Yes, they are significant and must be addressed, but they shouldn’t consume you. Remember that these are byproducts of hard work, not the primary goal. Focus on personal growth, and the world will follow. After all, haven’t you heard? The world belongs to the man who conquers himself.

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The Problem with Being Too Nice

You’ve been told you’re too nice—and it’s true. You rarely say no, allowing people to take advantage of your kindness. When conflict arises, you avoid confrontation by pretending everything’s fine. This only builds frustration, and eventually, the problem becomes too big to ignore.

The Fear of Rejection

With women, your excessive kindness may stem from wanting to act differently than your dad did with your mom. You wanted to be the opposite, to be someone who shows love without reservations. But in doing so, you’ve allowed yourself to be walked over. This pattern took root during your school years when distractions like chasing girls, watching porn, and seeking validation led you astray.

You were desperate to fit in, to belong. With Vania, love seemed natural, but fear held you back. With others—H, N, L—it wasn’t about love. It was an attempt to impress, to show off, and to align with the group’s expectations. The real issue: You were chasing the wrong things.

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves

The relationships you’ve had—MORVA included—make you question whether they were truly based on love, or just another way to fit in. You’ve been lying to yourself, playing a role that isn’t authentic. You know deep down that you’re not that person yet. To be in a meaningful relationship, you first need to become someone you’re happy to be with.

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Confronting Your Own Patterns

You’ve suffered by forcing yourself into molds that aren’t right for you. The solution is simple: Be yourself. If anyone is to blame, it’s you for never setting boundaries. You agreed to move from washing dishes to cooking but didn’t speak up when the change never happened. The result? Accumulated frustration, resentment, and a lack of progress.

This has been your pattern: you hold things in until the frustration builds up. But it’s time to stop bottling things up. Address issues immediately.

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Taking Control of Your Life and Appearance

You also neglect your physical appearance, which is an important factor if you want to be in an intimate relationship. You may think someone will just notice you and fall in love, but that’s not how it works. You need to reflect who you are in your appearance. Find your personal style and take care of yourself—because you deserve it, not because others expect it.

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Stop Waiting for Guidance

You have a tendency to wait for someone to tell you what to do—whether it’s what to learn, when to act, or how to move forward. You waited for notes during your IB years, faced exams unprepared, and even let others shape your CV. How can you expect to achieve your goals—let alone become a billionaire—if you let others control your decisions?

The truth is, you’re still in the learning phase. You’re far from having it all figured out, and that’s okay. You have a long journey ahead, and the first step is taking ownership of it.

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The Importance of Self-Reliance

You often understand things for others that they need to understand for themselves. You feel it’s your duty to help, but in doing so, you lose focus on your own growth. It’s time to stop this cycle. Focus on your path. Be your own guide, and allow others to figure things out for themselves.

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Final Thoughts: Own Your Journey

The world won’t hand you what you want. You must take control and stop waiting for validation or permission from others. The key to your future is in your own hands. Conquer yourself first, and everything else will follow.

Meta Description:
Explore the true definition of education and how schools function as hubs of knowledge. Learn why you don’t necessarily need a school to be educated, and how applying knowledge is key to personal growth.

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What Is Education?

Education is the process of gathering and processing information to make wise decisions about how to live. It’s not just about memorizing facts or theories; it’s about using data to make informed choices. But what role do schools play in this process?

What is a School?

A school is a place where raw and processed data are stored for individuals to access and use. It serves as a reliable, consistent space where knowledge can be retrieved when needed—a place of trust and confidence. Schools are designed to help us gather skills and information efficiently.

Do You Need a School to Be Educated?

While schools are often seen as the primary source of education, the truth is that you don’t need a school to become educated. What’s more important is the ability to gather data quickly and process it into useful information or knowledge. The true value of education lies in your ability to learn and apply knowledge on your own, regardless of the environment.

Why Schools Are Assumed to Be the Easiest Source of Knowledge

We tend to assume that schools provide the easiest way to access knowledge because they have structured systems in place. We go there expecting that the data we need will be handed to us with little effort. However, the real challenge lies not in the act of acquiring knowledge but in applying it in real-life situations.

Applying Knowledge: The Most Important Aspect of Education

Education isn’t complete until the knowledge you acquire is applied. If you find that the knowledge you’ve gained can’t be used in a practical way, it’s worth questioning its immediate usefulness. However, don’t discard it outright. Sometimes, knowledge may only reveal its true value over time, as your experiences and challenges evolve.

Meta Description:
Explore why hatred is an easy response to complex problems. Learn how our minds exaggerate issues and how we can address them with empathy, patience, and understanding.

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The Convenience of Hatred: Why We Choose It

Hatred is an easy way out, a convenient escape from the more complex and painful problems we face in life. It offers an immediate way to deal with frustration and sorrow, but it doesn’t solve the underlying issues. Instead, it masks them.

• The Appeal of Hatred:
  Hatred offers a quick and seemingly simple explanation for our struggles. We often say, “It’s because of X or Y”—placing blame elsewhere rather than confronting the deeper issues at hand.
• The Comfort of Simplified Problems:
  The complexity of real problems can overwhelm us, and so we gravitate toward easy answers. Hatred, in this case, serves as a shield that protects us from the uncomfortable task of facing real problems head-on.

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Hatred as a Result of Complexity and Inaction

Hatred emerges not from deep reflection, but from the inability to address complex issues. In modern society, where we expect immediate solutions, we tend to simplify our difficulties in ways that make them easier to bear.

• The Fear of Long-Term Solutions:
  Solving a problem can take time, and in our fast-paced world, we often want instant resolutions. But real problems, such as the challenges in relationships or personal growth, don’t yield quick fixes.
• Why We Seek Quick Solutions:
  Our minds are wired to solve problems quickly. When faced with a long and difficult journey, such as a divorce or any deep personal issue, our natural instinct is to create a narrative that simplifies the problem—often exaggerating aspects of it to make the situation feel more urgent and manageable.

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The Evolutionary Roots of Hatred

Hatred may also stem from the deep-seated instincts we carry with us from our evolutionary past. We are no longer in the dangerous savanna, but our minds haven’t fully adapted to the modern world. We are wired for immediate responses to threats, even if the threats today are emotional or psychological.

• Our Primal Instincts:
  In the savanna, survival depended on swift, decisive actions. We learned to respond quickly to dangers—whether physical or emotional. In modern life, these instincts still shape our reactions, even though the threats we face today aren’t as direct or obvious.
• Religion and Laws as Evolutionary Tools:
  Systems of order, such as religion or law, were designed not only to maintain social harmony but also to remind us that we no longer live in a constant state of danger. They help us slow down and consider long-term consequences, rather than responding impulsively.

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Overcoming Hatred: A Path Forward

Hatred is often a defense mechanism that offers us a quick fix but leaves us further from the truth. To overcome it, we must learn to confront our problems directly, with patience and empathy.

• Breaking the Cycle:
  The key is acknowledging that hatred often comes from our inability to understand and address deeper issues. By allowing ourselves the time and space to reflect, we can move beyond the immediate gratification of hating something or someone.
• Facing Complexity with Compassion:
  Real growth happens when we stop oversimplifying problems and begin to work through them with compassion, understanding, and patience.

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Final Thoughts: Embrace Your Journey Toward Growth

Hatred may be an easy solution, but it’s ultimately a shallow one. By recognizing its roots in our primal instincts and our fear of long-term solutions, we can begin to challenge it and address our problems more effectively.

Take the First Step:
Start by acknowledging your fear and hatred. Then, choose to act—whether it’s addressing a personal conflict or letting go of resentment. Overcoming hatred is a journey, and every small step counts.

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Call to Action:
What do you think about the role of hatred in our lives? How do you deal with complex emotions and difficult situations? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Meta Description:
Discover practical strategies to overcome fear, manage stress, and confront anxiety head-on. Learn how to embrace change and take control of your life despite uncertainty.

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The Overwhelming Weight of Fear

But, good God, it is so hard—so painful and stressful to be in this position. I find myself constantly stressed and overwhelmed by fear. My body feels like it’s desperate to escape—to be in another body, another place, another life.

• Fear of Failure:
  I am terrified of failing: failing to complete my tasks, failing to renew my visa, failing to speak my truth, and even failing in creative pursuits like my YouTube channel.
• Fear of the Unknown:
  Every new challenge—whether registering for a certificate or making a life-changing decision—brings with it paralyzing anxiety.

I’m so afraid of failure that I often don’t even start. I’m afraid of almost everything. I’m afraid to truly live.

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The Physical and Emotional Toll of Stress

The constant stress feels like my body is screaming to break free—a desperate desire to escape to a place where no threat exists. Yet, no such safe haven exists.

• Self-Destructive Distractions:
  To counter this overwhelming fear, I find myself throwing into distractions and even addictions, unintentionally spreading my stress to those around me.
• Loneliness in the Midst of Chaos:
  This fear and stress often leave me feeling terribly alone. I long for support—a companion who can help me bear this burden—but I recognize that I alone must take charge of my next move.

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A Call to Action: Confronting Your Fear

Let’s face it: fear can paralyze us. It makes us hesitate and second-guess our every decision. But here’s a simple truth:

No one will overcome your fears for you.

• Take Responsibility:
  If you want to renew your visa, earn that data analyst certificate, or simply break free from the chains of fear, you must act.
• Accept the Pain:
  Yes, life is hard and painful. But every step you take, even the hesitant ones, are part of your journey toward growth.
• Stop the Cycle:
  Finish crying if you must—then rise and do the work. Understand that fear is part of life, but it doesn’t have to control you.

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Reflecting on the Roots of Our Fear

When I was a child, I didn’t understand the intensity of adult fears. Now, as an adult, I’m haunted by the “what ifs” and the paralyzing dread of making the wrong choice.

• Paralysis by Analysis:
  Hesitation only deepens the fear. Indecision becomes a decision in itself—a decision to let time make choices for you.
• Breaking Free from the Past:
  Remind yourself: You are not at home anymore. Embrace the fact that the world has changed, and so must you.

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Conclusion: Embrace Your Journey Toward Growth

Fear, stress, and anxiety may be constant companions, but they do not define you. By confronting your fears and taking decisive action, you can transform anxiety into a powerful catalyst for personal growth.

Take the First Step:
Start by acknowledging your fear. Then, choose to act—renew your visa, register for that certificate, or simply take a moment to breathe. Remember, overcoming fear is a journey, and every small step counts.

Meta Description:
Explore the journey of overcoming the addiction to pleasing others, setting boundaries, and learning to confront personal demons. Understand the importance of self-reliance in growth.

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It is so human to think of others as our possessions. We don’t even think twice before doing such things; we just do them. We want others to do everything for us, even act as pain soothers. We want them to understand our emotions for us, to feel our emotions for us, to bear the pain for us—all the negative. We want them to carry it for us, while we only want the good for ourselves. This is what I’ve been doing again and again when it comes to people. And more than ever, we are the tyrants of those we love.

When I was with someone I love, for instance, I wanted to make sure they weren’t feeling bad in any sense. I didn’t have the money like most others, but I sure took on everything they had. I would talk about my feelings with difficulty, rationalize their problems, rationalize their problems with me, and even rationalize what they did with other people—just as I would rationalize another indulgence. Evil is made to be rationalized. I would rationalize their behavior toward me, claiming that because they were raised never to admit their mistakes, I should just allow it to be without saying anything. Since they helped me out financially, I should just let it be, making as if it never happened. I rationalized their feelings, but who would do it for me? I try as much as I can to understand them, to understand most people, but who will do it for me?

I even try to understand that I can’t stay in Europe without papers—something that can change from one day to the next. It’s a constant game they’re playing, trying to convince people that they should renounce staying here, giving them every possible argument for leaving. But those arguments are precisely why some will want to stay. Some people, like someone I love, possess us emotionally. We want to live up to them and only please their feelings and emotions. I have been satisfying the peace of other people, but whom? Mine. I have given my mind a fixed idea of what life should look like when it comes to my relationships, and by doing that, I made myself an easy prey to others, who will not miss the opportunity to play with my emotions if need be. And many have.

I say this, but I am also at fault for being addicted to pleasing people. I was so focused on my addiction that I failed to take into consideration the fact that I was also addicted to other things, like pleasing people, being seen as the nice guy, the good friend, the good family member—not wanting to sadden someone I love. But why wouldn’t I do what’s right? I became addicted to my thoughts of a favorable outcome, always wishing things would be different instead of looking at things as they are, not as I want them to be. Although some people think they have some right over us, we’ve been thinking it’s our responsibility not to hurt their feelings. Is there a better definition of prison?

I was playing the victim with someone I love. Even to leave them, I tried to make it look good and easy. I wanted an easy way out of life, for that matter. This is the same with another person. Sometimes, I want them to feel sorry for me and rescue me. Sometimes I just want someone with whom I can share my story, who is always going to be there, but this is a lie. This is theft. The truth is that I haven’t faced my own demons. I haven’t killed them completely. So whenever someone attractive to me comes along, I feel like that person is there to solve all my problems. Which is, in my opinion, a very bad thing to do. For how long will I humiliate myself? Is this not enough? I have said enough, I have asked enough, but yet, like yesterday, I keep on compromising my dignity for their sake. Yes, it sucks, but this is something to be avoided. I clearly know that I should avoid this person, and I clearly know there are absolutely no compromises to be made. I cannot even pretend to be friends with them. I must not be friends with them. That is what liars do; that is what those living in the antechamber of hope do.

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Love or Fear of Self-Confrontation?

What is my priority now?

Nature is easy to codify and place inside a model, as it is less volatile than humans. It can take thousands, hundreds of thousands, and even millions of years for a particular change to occur in nature. That’s why building models explaining nature is easier than building one explaining human behaviors. For even though humans are part of nature, it seems like it’s extremely difficult to predict what a person will do next month, just as it’s easy to say that the sun will rise tomorrow. It’s true that man has some innate traits deep down within him, for thousands, even hundreds of thousands of years. Who knows, maybe one of those traits is our changing abilities.

It is so human to think that we own some people, especially when we are owned.

Can you blame a person for not loving you? Of course not. That’s what you had to understand. Once again, you’ve been deceived. Purely and simply deceived.

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Overcoming Addictive Behaviors

The number one rule to overcome an addictive behavior or substance is to never try—never try. Think about the fact that trying the first time is worse than taking it the nth time. To have a million dollars, you must first have a dollar. In the same way, to have…

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The Danger of Assumptions

All it takes is for one person to do something crazy for us to assume that everyone who looks like them, dresses like them, lives where they live, has a common ancestor with them, or shares their culture, is like them.

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The Pain of Knowing and Doing Nothing

What hurts the most is knowing that something is bad for one’s life but still doing it. Those who do evil are convinced that what they’re doing is not evil, so they might not even think twice before doing it. What the other person doesn’t think…

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Moving Forward: The Struggle Between Action and Inaction

Not knowing where to go is not too painful. It’s not knowing where to go while telling yourself that you need to go somewhere, just like going somewhere while telling yourself that you have to move somewhere else. That hurts.

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Call to Action:
Have you struggled with emotional dependence or the fear of self-confrontation? How did you learn to overcome these challenges? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Emotions are powerful—they influence our decisions, color our perceptions, and leave lasting marks on our lives. In this post, I explore how feelings impact our judgment, the struggle with jealousy and resentment, and the ongoing process of learning and relearning. Alongside personal reflections, these insights serve as a guide to overcoming obstacles and embracing growth.

The Role of Emotions in Decision-Making

Emotions can both inspire and obstruct our decision-making process. I’ve learned that while our feelings provide valuable signals, they can also cloud judgment when left unchecked.

• A Personal Testament:
  My body bears scars from a life lived boldly—every mark a reminder that sometimes we must risk everything. My very first day of landing here in France. Five years without moving back home, five years fighting in Paris.
• The Harsh Truth:
  Often, it is our deepest emotions that force us to confront the necessity of choice, urging us to step into the arena of life.

“A well-lived life requires that every individual puts their skin in the game.”

Overcoming Jealousy and Resentment

Jealousy and resentment can poison relationships and our inner peace. Many of us feel these emotions, even toward those we consider friends.

• Recognize the Issue:
  That persistent whisper of envy is more than a personal flaw—it’s a signal that deeper issues need attention. I have envied friends who continued school. I was saved by a friend who told me that even if my can’t move back to a school, not body prevents me from moving into a library to pick up a book and learn. No body stops me from reading.
• Embrace the Challenge:
  Instead of surrendering to blame and self-pity, we can choose to address these feelings head-on, paving the way for personal growth. I thought of giving up 2 time. The first after covid ,ad and second, after too much time in administrative regulation for my visa.
• Transform Through Love:
  Letting go of jealousy and embracing love can be liberating—even if it means confronting our own shortcomings.

The Nature of Ideas: Challenging What We Know

Ideas can be as possessive and change-resistant as we are. We often cling to them as if they define us, even when they no longer serve our best interests.

• Defend or Detach:
  When challenged, our natural impulse is to defend our beliefs. Yet, real growth comes from re-evaluating and, if necessary, discarding outdated ideas.
• Continuous Improvement:
  Just as we update our software, our beliefs should evolve with new experiences and insights.

The Power of Learning and Relearning

Learning is an ongoing process that demands we unlearn old habits and embrace new perspectives. It’s not always easy—rewiring our brain takes energy, practice, and a willingness to start over.

“Practice, practice, and more practice lead to results. It’s not like we have much choice.”

• Embrace Discomfort:
  The challenge of relearning is part of the journey toward becoming a better version of ourselves.
• Transformative Growth:
  Every new idea, every lesson learned, contributes to a clearer, more refined understanding of life.

The Danger of Stagnation

Reaching a plateau in our understanding can be dangerous. When we assume that we have all the answers, we risk becoming stagnant.

• Never Stop Evolving:
  Each new book, conversation, or experience is an opportunity to question what we think we know.
• Embrace Change:
  Allow your ideas to evolve—even if it means letting go of what once felt essential.

Accidental Learning: The Unintended Impact of Daily Life

Not every lesson comes from deliberate study. Often, it is through continuous exposure to experiences and ideas that we learn.

• The Complexities of Love and Loss:
  Our feelings about relationships can be tangled—not with hatred for the person, but with regret for what was and what might have been.
• Finding Closure:
  True closure is achieved not when we forget, but when we release the intensity of our attachments.

The Reality of My Situation

I live a life marked by uncertainty—without legal stability and with an unpredictable future. Yet, these challenges are part of the journey.

• The Struggle:
  Without the security of legal status, each day brings its own set of trials, from securing shelter to ensuring basic needs are met. (This was true some years ago, when I just arrived in France, and had to move from one place to another for shelter.)
• Holding Onto Hope:
  Despite the difficulties, I cling to the hope of obtaining a residence permit and building a life of stability. (Sometimes I wonder if I am not just filling myself with some delusion. it’s been three years that I’m fighting to get back my visa.)
• Embracing Uncertainty:
  Life’s unpredictability forces us to adapt, learn, and grow continually.

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Conclusion

The interplay between our emotions, ideas, and life circumstances is complex and ever-changing. By understanding how feelings impact our choices and committing to constant learning, we open ourselves up to growth and transformation. I invite you to reflect on your own experiences—how have your emotions influenced your decisions, and what steps can you take to embrace change?

Call to Action:
If these insights resonate with you, please leave a comment below sharing your experiences. For more reflections on life, growth, and personal transformation, subscribe to my newsletter.

This poem was written by my friend, to whom I proposed to marry me to get my visa, remember. I still love it. Here it is English.

I swam for ages in troubled waters,
Against a relentless, unseen current,
Haunted by the chilling thought
That I was never meant for these depths—
Not in my element, not at home.

I drifted, lost in the chaos,
Caught in destabilizing whirlpools
That swept me far from familiar shores,
Stripped of all anchors,
Alone and adrift, I forgot who I was.

In the darkness of the abyss,
The sirens’ call lured me deeper—
Their voices a haunting lullaby
In the void, where fear froze me still,
Unable to rise, condemned to the depths.

My inner well ran dry,
A reservoir emptied of hope;
Drained, I trembled on the brink
Of surrendering to the raging storm,
The hope of rescue evaporating like mist.

Yet amidst the turmoil,
A dazzling light had shone all along—
A beacon I had once ignored,
Now a radiant lighthouse in the night,
Guiding me gently toward the surface.

I followed its warm, tender glow,
Letting its brightness seep into every shadow,
Lifting the fog of loneliness,
Transforming despair into a quiet grace.
I rose above the tumultuous waves,
Reclaiming the path destined for me—
Far from torrents of tears,
In a place where my soul could finally breathe.

Shy, wild, and naked, hidden within lies the prodigal child of the Gospel.

After a period of wandering and debauchery, he sees nothing but an abyss.

Deep within his soul, a cry of distress calls for the Savior, the Son.

And in this sanctuary dedicated to the praise of the Son, he cannot help but shed tears of anguish, for these demons ceaselessly haunt him—cries of redemption.

Then, he steps out to catch some air and allows himself to reflect.

He recalls the time when he was still full of innocence, having never tasted the fruit of good and evil. And it is then that he remembers that fateful night, exactly at 10 p.m. It was the kind of night when, according to legend, the devil works best. It was then that he tasted the forbidden fruit. He loved it at first, but soon discovered in that apple a bitter taste that would follow him for a long time. Yet, fortunately, he did not give up.

The apple: he eats it again and again. He does not love it, yet he cannot help but consume it. It poisons him, breaks him, and still he takes more and more.

This is what I wrote to myself in 2022. Freedom is pretty much the same thing I want up until now. There is clearly a shift in perspective now, but just wanted to share it as it was written.

What Do I Want for My Life?

To be free: financially, intellectually, morally, spiritually, materially. Not to be anyone’s slave. To be my own master, without being influenced by anyone.

I want to acquire an unshakeable skill—something that neither time nor people can undermine as long as I live, and perhaps even beyond. A skill that allows me to live freely, without causing trouble for anyone. Simply, freedom.

At the moment, I’m not exactly sure what that is. I could mention the sciences, psychology, and other fields, but that would only be based on what others predict for the future, on what I want, and on what is valued today. However, the skill I’m talking about is one that transcends time and allows us to live unimpeded under any circumstances. AND I WOULD SAY THAT THIS SKILL IS ADAPTABILITY—the ability to live anywhere, at any time.