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Explore a deeply personal journey of dealing with stress, self-doubt, and the overwhelming pressure of life’s challenges. Learn how focus, discipline, and a sense of purpose can help navigate through the toughest times.
The Silent Death of Stress
Stress is a silent killer. I’ve been a victim of it recently. I’ve been afraid to say no—to myself, to my family, to my friends, to social media, to success, to comparison, to everything. And it has been killing me slowly.
I ask myself, “What can I not provide?” This question haunts me daily, especially regarding my visa status. I’ve fought for it to be renewed, only to face rejection. I went to a school I couldn’t afford, then to one I thought I liked, only to realize I wasn’t truly passionate about what was being taught. I found a job that helped me with finances, but the stress never stopped. And now, I’m faced with the harsh reality: my visa has been denied, and I’ll have to wait for at least nine months. In that time, I need to figure out how to move, eat, shelter, and feed myself.
The Pressure of Family Expectations
What stresses me even more is the constant pressure coming from my family. It’s hard to explain, but I always feel like I have something to do for them. I forget that I first need to rescue myself from my own problems. Lately, the weight of this has been unbearable. Stress has been affecting my memory, mood, and overall well-being. I feel like I’m locked in a prison, and there’s no one to talk to about it. No one who truly understands what I’m going through.
What Are the Sources of My Stress?
- Visa Regulations
- Unstable Family Situation (my mother’s health, my siblings’ future, learning, uncertainty of housing)
The Fear of Failure
What stresses me even more is the thought that without my visa, I won’t be able to do anything. I fear that no one will want to listen to me. I’m afraid that my friends will succeed while I fail, and I’ll forever remain a failure. The fear of being sent back to my country is real. Facing my family—who thinks I’m living a better life here than I could back home—seems unbearable.
But I have dreams. I want to study technology (computer science and math), economics, and psychology (philosophy, too). I want to help my family, but I need freedom first. Right now, I feel chained by the administration, family, and financial struggles. I can’t find a way out. I can’t seem to escape this cycle.
The Need for Freedom
I don’t want to experience this stress in any part of my life again—whether in relationships, intellect, morality, or spirituality. I want freedom. I don’t want to help anyone if I can’t help myself. True help comes without expectations, and I want to be free from the chains that tie me to others’ expectations.
I want freedom to make my own choices, not to live up to someone else’s expectations. I don’t want to feel indebted to anyone or take more from people than they can give. I want to live responsibly, but I want to own those responsibilities. They need to be things I can manage, not things imposed upon me without preparation.
And trust me—there’s enough pressure already. The most important thing I’ve learned is that I have to learn to say no (It takes time to learn this. In addition you have to put yourself in a position that allows you to do it without been harm the least). Especially to myself. Do not push past limits that aren’t right for you.
The Path to Freedom: Focus on These Key Areas
I need to focus on building:
- Intelligence
- Finance
- Stoicism
These are the areas I will focus on. Let’s see what happens when I pour my energy into these things. Life has its way of unfolding, but I want to live as if each day could be my last. It’s important to remember that life happens in the present, in the moment. What I can do now is improve myself in the areas that matter to me.
The Fear of Losing Everything
I fear losing everything I’ve gained—my computer, my home, my visa. But what would happen if life gave me much more than that? I would be dead if I couldn’t handle it. Life is a long process, and all I need is patience and the discipline to bypass distractions. It’s a matter of staying focused on the bigger picture.
I’ve been rationalizing the idea that the person reviewing my visa request will be compassionate. But I realize I can’t control that. All I can do is make my request, do my part, and wait for the outcome. It’s as simple as that.
Confronting the Overwhelm: What To Do Next?
There are days when this overwhelming situation paralyzes me. Yesterday, I didn’t know what to do or where to go. The stress of my visa situation consumes me. I don’t know where to find a job or how to figure things out. I feel stuck, overwhelmed by too little option and information. It hurts to not know what to do next.
But here’s the reality: I cannot satisfy everyone’s requirements. Not even my visa situation can be controlled by my actions alone. I shouldn’t do anything that I can’t do.
My Philosophy Moving Forward
I’ve decided that the best way to move forward is by developing a strategy for my studies in philosophy, which will include business, economics, psychology, statistics and probabilities, and finally computer science. This will give me a clear, focused approach to learning and personal growth.
Ultimate Freedom: The Key to Peace
Ultimate freedom is the ability to lose everything and not be afraid.
I want to surround myself with people who share my aspirations—people who are naturally driven to challenge themselves. I want to be around those who make me better, who encourage me to grow. Those who are not afraid to grow. Right now, I feel lost and backward, but I’m determined to take control of my journey.
Final Thoughts: Reclaiming My Life
Watching movies, getting distracted—these things no longer serve me. It’s time to focus on what truly matters: reading books, listening to music, walking, and working out, solving more mathematics problem, doing more coding project. This is how I take control. This is how I move forward.
Have you experienced the feeling of being overwhelmed and lost? How have you navigated through life’s challenges? Share your thoughts in the comments below and let’s support each other on this journey.
Identity? 