Meta Description:
Explore the journey of overcoming the addiction to pleasing others, setting boundaries, and learning to confront personal demons. Understand the importance of self-reliance in growth.
It is so human to think of others as our possessions. We don’t even think twice before doing such things; we just do them. We want others to do everything for us, even act as pain soothers. We want them to understand our emotions for us, to feel our emotions for us, to bear the pain for us—all the negative. We want them to carry it for us, while we only want the good for ourselves. This is what I’ve been doing again and again when it comes to people. And more than ever, we are the tyrants of those we love.
When I was with someone I love, for instance, I wanted to make sure they weren’t feeling bad in any sense. I didn’t have the money like most others, but I sure took on everything they had. I would talk about my feelings with difficulty, rationalize their problems, rationalize their problems with me, and even rationalize what they did with other people—just as I would rationalize another indulgence. Evil is made to be rationalized. I would rationalize their behavior toward me, claiming that because they were raised never to admit their mistakes, I should just allow it to be without saying anything. Since they helped me out financially, I should just let it be, making as if it never happened. I rationalized their feelings, but who would do it for me? I try as much as I can to understand them, to understand most people, but who will do it for me?
I even try to understand that I can’t stay in Europe without papers—something that can change from one day to the next. It’s a constant game they’re playing, trying to convince people that they should renounce staying here, giving them every possible argument for leaving. But those arguments are precisely why some will want to stay. Some people, like someone I love, possess us emotionally. We want to live up to them and only please their feelings and emotions. I have been satisfying the peace of other people, but whom? Mine. I have given my mind a fixed idea of what life should look like when it comes to my relationships, and by doing that, I made myself an easy prey to others, who will not miss the opportunity to play with my emotions if need be. And many have.
I say this, but I am also at fault for being addicted to pleasing people. I was so focused on my addiction that I failed to take into consideration the fact that I was also addicted to other things, like pleasing people, being seen as the nice guy, the good friend, the good family member—not wanting to sadden someone I love. But why wouldn’t I do what’s right? I became addicted to my thoughts of a favorable outcome, always wishing things would be different instead of looking at things as they are, not as I want them to be. Although some people think they have some right over us, we’ve been thinking it’s our responsibility not to hurt their feelings. Is there a better definition of prison?
I was playing the victim with someone I love. Even to leave them, I tried to make it look good and easy. I wanted an easy way out of life, for that matter. This is the same with another person. Sometimes, I want them to feel sorry for me and rescue me. Sometimes I just want someone with whom I can share my story, who is always going to be there, but this is a lie. This is theft. The truth is that I haven’t faced my own demons. I haven’t killed them completely. So whenever someone attractive to me comes along, I feel like that person is there to solve all my problems. Which is, in my opinion, a very bad thing to do. For how long will I humiliate myself? Is this not enough? I have said enough, I have asked enough, but yet, like yesterday, I keep on compromising my dignity for their sake. Yes, it sucks, but this is something to be avoided. I clearly know that I should avoid this person, and I clearly know there are absolutely no compromises to be made. I cannot even pretend to be friends with them. I must not be friends with them. That is what liars do; that is what those living in the antechamber of hope do.
Love or Fear of Self-Confrontation?
What is my priority now?
Nature is easy to codify and place inside a model, as it is less volatile than humans. It can take thousands, hundreds of thousands, and even millions of years for a particular change to occur in nature. That’s why building models explaining nature is easier than building one explaining human behaviors. For even though humans are part of nature, it seems like it’s extremely difficult to predict what a person will do next month, just as it’s easy to say that the sun will rise tomorrow. It’s true that man has some innate traits deep down within him, for thousands, even hundreds of thousands of years. Who knows, maybe one of those traits is our changing abilities.
It is so human to think that we own some people, especially when we are owned.
Can you blame a person for not loving you? Of course not. That’s what you had to understand. Once again, you’ve been deceived. Purely and simply deceived.
Overcoming Addictive Behaviors
The number one rule to overcome an addictive behavior or substance is to never try—never try. Think about the fact that trying the first time is worse than taking it the nth time. To have a million dollars, you must first have a dollar. In the same way, to have…
The Danger of Assumptions
All it takes is for one person to do something crazy for us to assume that everyone who looks like them, dresses like them, lives where they live, has a common ancestor with them, or shares their culture, is like them.
The Pain of Knowing and Doing Nothing
What hurts the most is knowing that something is bad for one’s life but still doing it. Those who do evil are convinced that what they’re doing is not evil, so they might not even think twice before doing it. What the other person doesn’t think…
Moving Forward: The Struggle Between Action and Inaction
Not knowing where to go is not too painful. It’s not knowing where to go while telling yourself that you need to go somewhere, just like going somewhere while telling yourself that you have to move somewhere else. That hurts.
Call to Action:
Have you struggled with emotional dependence or the fear of self-confrontation? How did you learn to overcome these challenges? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Identity? 