Bad habits feed on themselves. I generally start a day by first looking at the messages on my phone, as a reflex. If it’s too good, I want to answer it right away. If it’s too bad, I want to answer it instantly or escape. Too good gives me a high. I want to keep this feeling by seeking more such messages. I also engage in corresponding behaviors for the same high.

What next? Let me check on Instagram. Well, there is probably some news about this guy making food. And countless others. Well, I want something more, maybe I will go to this guy talking good about immigrants. As one, I imagine myself as that. In fact, I will look only for instances where good is said about immigrants. Is this not characteristic of men? Then I need another high, for everything has a point of marginal utility. Everything has a point at which its first usage is surpassed, and it has to be transcended in that case. Well, from Instagram, I will go into anime. Don’t I have to work out? The hell with that—another day. Then I go on to manga. Well, I’ve done all of them, so I watch them again and again. It’s an endless abyss.

All it takes is a simple moment where the action is put in place, even for a short moment. In that moment, it will want to be done to completion. If you ever try one cigarette, you might keep doing it for most of your life. This is the reason why the best way to avoid any habit is by never trying it out. The first time is usually the last time, and the last time is generally the first time. This was the case with me when it comes to porn. I still have a vivid image of my first time. But years later, I realized the repercussions. I told myself that the first time was going to be the last time. But every last time I go to it remains the first time. It’s as if it never changed. The same goes for other forms of bad behaviors. I believe I would be in a very dangerous position. This could happen if I had ever used any drug like cocaine or weed. I would not even be capable of writing this now. I personally don’t underestimate how hard it is to break out of bad habits.